I have so many ambiguous feelings.

I do. But then I guess everybody does. It doesn't concern me at all because of the fact that I can utterly accept human beings (including myself) as both undemanding and difficult individuals. So I realize that one day I am going to understand things, the obvious and obscure and then there are going to be the days that I don't understand the simplest things.

Lately, I've been thinking of how important it is to be able to make a clear conscious decision! Instead of choosing what to do, is it so bad to choose to go through with both of the options presented to you (especially if both options require the same momentum). Sure you'd be splitting your time and resources and could possibly encounter two contradicted results but if you work hard at both you could possibly end up with two good results.

Is it not worth the time to try to do two things that are both possible to do instead of completely eliminating one thing that you may really want?

Some people may say that this is self-indulgence and that you should just stick to one thing to ensure victory. However, if we look at artists, very rarely do artists ever stick completely to one form of art and this is a definite plus. It allows them to express themselves in a variety of ways. It allows them to be free and open with their emotions and to show their hidden beauty. They rarely ever make the decision to be one dimensional or two dimensional when it comes to expressing their desires. Instead they combine a variety of their choices and take hold of their passions and display passion.

Maybe I'm just being weird.

Ma tulipe premiere de l'année

C'est genre d'une valeur intrinsèquement intégrés dans l'esprit de l'humain. Une particularité très spéciale est accordée au fait le premier.

permettez-moi de vous présenter la tulipe premiere de la saison

Spotting the first tulip in my front yard gave me a quiet excitement after returning from a very tiring walk.

كما قال الشاعر

هو، لا غيره،"
من ترجّل عن نجمة لم تصبه بأيّ أذى
.قال: أسطورتي لن تعيش طويلاًولا صورتي في مخيلة الناس
فلتمتحني الحقيقة
قلت له: إن ظهرت انكسرت، فلا تنكسر
قال لي حُزْنُهُ النَّبٌَّوي: إلي أين أذهب
؟قلت إلى نجمة غير مرئية
أو إلى الكهف
قال يحاصرني واقع لا أجيد قراءته
قلت دوّن إذن، ذكرياتك عن نجمة بعُدت
وغد يتلكأ،
واسأل خيالك: هل كان يعلم أن طريقك هذا طويل؟
فقال: ولكنني لا أجيد الكتابة يا صاحبي
فسألت: كذبت علينا إذاً؟
فأجاب: على الحلم أن يرشد الحالمين كما الوحي
ثم تنهد: خذ بيدي أيها المستحيل
وغاب كما تتمنى الأساطير
لم ينتصر ليموت،
ولم ينكسر ليعيش
فخذ بيدينا معاً،
"أيها المستحيل

un harceleur

Amman Last night

DORITOS !! because you admired the thoughts.
Thank you!

Both Sides Now!

Lyrics | Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now lyrics

les gens

Comme je l'ai approché plus , je deviennent plus enclins à les chiens

une autre chose !!!

Affronter vos défis, ne discutez pas  autour des tables de cuisine, dans les salles de repos, et avec amis qui cherchent des moyens pour faire face à leur situation actuelle.

J'espère que ma langue va m'aider à écrire d'une manière qui ne sera pas buzz la vie d'autres avec des détails insignifiants.

June 30, 2009

A twist of fate !!!!!

god bless all the Fuckers !!!

what if !!!

What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if in your dream, you went to heaven and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?



what if you're really there, !!!


what if i can see through the cracks, and what if you're right the first time!!!


what if the sky blew away !!!



what if i find my passion first !!!


what if i don't have three copies !!!



what if blue turns out to be green !!!


what if am not really broke !!!


What IF!!!!

un pont

Dernièrement, je préfère les histoires plus que jamais , comme une petite fille je peut oublier le monde entire quand je rencontre quelqu'un a la capacité de raconter des histoires, tout stupide histoires, il suscite mon esprit à se concentrer, j'ai essayé d'écrire une histoire qui pourrait me sortir de cette grave ou de l'humeur (humeur dramatiques que j'ai développé au cours de la dernière année, ou je voulais avoir toutes les histoires en un seul, pour résumer tous les petits détails de l'amer "du présent, passé et futur »et construire une clôture autour de ces illusions les emballer dans une enveloppe .

Mais entre le lâche Howard et de la quasi-chevalier, j'ai perdu mon courage d'écrire,

ils disent la fin heureuse sont toujours des histoires pour les enfants

"Je ne suis pas là" un film que j'ai emprunté à un ami il ya deux mois, tout à fait grand film de tous les aspects, mais ce qui m'a le plus étonné, c'est que le silence qui enveloppe les scènes, vivement le spectacle de musique et de vie des autres, où que les paroles ont été de reformuler le même silence à plusieurs reprises, celui queje tente de fuir, j'ai été très calme, en respectant les observer, et se demandent quelle est la finalité de cette!

[note à moi même] Ne jamais essayer de créer quelque chose de nouveau, coz vous manquera;

غمغمة عربية :)

لو لم يكن الحب يوما أساس كل شيء حقيقي,
فمن أين جاءت تلك القصور الأثرية؟ كيف بنيت؟
و كيف غدت رماداً منثوراً على جدران ذاكرتنا,
حقائق منسية أو مهترئة
,و كيف يستطيع البعض,البعض منّا,
تجاهلها برغبة في العيش؟؟... فما هو العيش إذاً؟
أبحث عن إجابة مقنعة لسؤال مفقود في مدينة جاهلة تعتبر الاثار ركاما
كما أشعر أنني أتحدث لغة ليست بلغتي

Passage

Some people need help, some need to be forgiven... Others need to go jail. One could argue that some just need to forgive themselves, because, come to think of it, no one should really be that harsh on himself!




But she didn't need help nor forgiveness, she knew that she didn’t deserve to go to jail or punish herself, she only needed time and a bit of freedom together as one solid unit. She wanted to draw that unknown beautiful story of a lifetime which she, bitterly, failed to do on her own for she only got the time bit, and he got the freedom. So she needed him!




She got the time to realize that happiness is the mere repetition of our daily life. She got the time to free all the enchained stories from her past, time to see him as a normal human being and to catch that spark in his eyes that promised her heaven, a new era, and freedom. She got time to understand his words and comprehend his unusual mind!




Unfortunately, though, she didn't give him time to realize that she’s not taking his freedom away, that she’s not gonna draw that story of a lifetime alone, that she’s gonna be with him, inside the soul of each idea that crosses his mind those ideas that tend to quickly fade away.




It is her fault that she didn't give him time to realize that she’s the most Norma-Crazy person he will ever meet, she didn't tell him that all the things she once considered obstacles or rules were not supposed to be his too... Because he is simply, FREE!




Yet the most important question would be: was she guilty of him not knowing that he is free like a bird, since ages? that he is secure and can take decisions? not knowing that she is the key to anything he wants?




She feels sorry for all the discontent, disrespect and the lack of trust.... It is very sad to watch him silently deviating away from his beautiful self, to watch him sink back in that cold, dark cave where he freezes that urge of change inside of him! All of this made him look like a complete stranger to her.




All the reasons that made her defense savage, made the affair more lucid…




“P.S. I will let go, just as you wanted!”

the pillow fight !!!

I AM SICK ... SICK & TIRED OF EVERYTHING .. SERIOUSLY !!!!

I NEEEEEED A breaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkk !!!! a very long break ..

on being stupid !

it's all part of being a free spirit

once again !!!

"nobody is really done for as long as you have a good story to tell and someone to listen," - T.D.1900.

Asia II

…I am confused and clear as I write this letter, feeling inside reeling with the kind of uncertainty, I felt two days ago, the queasiness in your stomach, driving you nuts, so just half of you just want to run away or just hold me, have everything all straightened out again, and it grosses me out to be writing this kind of letter, the letter that is a reflection of a faulty love.

So

We’ve talked about minds, minds going in circles, minds following defined tracks, etched in space loops of “ where is my keys?” or “ do I fit there?” the loop that I have traced so far, so often in this life, the warm place on the carpet, “ is he flirting with other girls?”.

…I made up rules so that you would have to break them, and know I am doing it too much to even really get upset when it happens. So that my setups for being able to have that miracle were always destroyed by the impossibility of working up righteous indignation when I knew I had set impossible rules…

But, Who cares? This is me reveling in this moment that “ I loved you” but I hardly know you anymore, and maybe if you love someone else, it will just be thrilling part of your bad boy appeal .

And now I’ve got to go to work, and you will never, ever, in a million years, see through this letter.

Because mostly what I want to say is good luck for being a person again, and this was all about documenting these minutes, seconds, and days.

When I found you again, found in you the excitement of not knowing, and the adventure of it all… but I can’t wait to go back in same circles…

Asia

2009- The Fine Details in the Lush of Night

In This Year ... 2009

Under that old tree …

“Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good” W. H. Auden

Stories from the city

-1-

All the dawns were the same, except for that one, she woke up 10 years younger, with a teenage girl’s mind, her mind was going back to basics; fresh and pure, and certain of the logic behind its visions. She remembered how she used to trust men, religious men who prayed 5 times and worked hard for the rest of the day, Men with bags in their hands coming back home, men with the simplest traces of life and peace on their faces.

She also recalled that distant dream that had kept her alive over the years, to return to the basic rules of happiness. The ones she knew very well yet couldn’t have, and as she recalled all these small details, she realized that life is hard without any slight justification..

Her parents were emotionally in love, but mentally!!!!!Both of them failed to imagine establishing a family. That’s why it developed naturally on its own..

Their buds that were supposed to grow and shape the road to their future, actually ended their lives. Still the most important things she remembered was the way she used to see things. There weren’t that many colors in her visions, only red and yellow.

-2-

As a little girl she used to fear death. Her reason for that was that she wasn’t certain she can find bananas in heaven, and she thought her family would easily forget her and would be able to enjoy bananas without her, while she, as their guardian angel, watched jealously.

Now, after all these years, the same phobia of death still haunts her, but for a different reason; she can’t imagine a heaven without his breath. And the image of him walking alone or with anyone else makes her death seem so painful

-3-

She: I want you to promise me two things for 2009 !

Me: sure , what?

She: first thing , don’t be harsh on yourself next year !! as you can see , it’s not doing you any good !

Me: ….

She: second thing, if one day you decide to ruin our friendship , just tell me , so I don’t keep on trying to fix it .

Me: speechless !!!

-4-

She’s knocking on strangers’ doors, slightly thick that her tiny little hands were getting hurt as she’s trying in vain to open one of them at least,

the dust that was coming back to life because of her constant and heavy knocking started to dance in front of her eyes , and suddenly she saw that look on his face as he used to mock her naive mind that used to make her believe that her mind will never be useful , and nothing will change !!!

-5-

Sis: how is X doing?

Me: I don’t know , I haven’t heard about him for years ! I guess he got married !

Sis: got married!!! , I don’t think so

Me: what makes you say that? He is supposed to be very wealthy now , he’s living with his family , and everything is supposed to work fine with him ,he lacks nothing .. Duh !!!:)

Sis: he lacks the character!!!!!as he Always will!!!!!!

-6-

Uncle: what is wrong with your mind?

Me: I guess I’m a little unwell , I will be ok , I just need time

Uncle: collect your pieces and keep on walking my flower !!!

-7-

She: I need to runaway!

He: where to?

She: anywhere, I need to be alone for a while! Let’s play this game

He: what game?

She: run & hide, and start searching!

He: but am not good at this game!!

She: you see you don’t know me!! I need it

He: I know you better than you think… run and hide :(

She: don’t be sad, let’s start !:)

He: I told you I’m a bad player. I used to hide right behind the guy counting, then tap him on the right shoulder and come from his left . & when I count I wait 4 people to come :)

Take all the time in the world, but when I find you , I’ll give you 2 slaps u need to wakeup…& I’ll slap everyone I see till I find you :(

She: :)

He: ah.. and I’ll be waiting outside your house :) one day I will eat your stupid mind !!!

-8-

She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of a haunting horn coming from the depths of distant forests. There were paths in those forests; her father stood on one of them. Smiling and inviting her to join him …

There is a certain quantitative border that must not be crossed , yet no one stands guard over it and perhaps no one even realizes that it exists …

Fears from underground

Before




After

The Wake-up Call

For how long she thought she’s not blind
Now she’s certain she’s been following the handicapped
And as the light comes to another light
The road appears less flat
Dirty road, yet very clean!
For people’s shadows have been washed out
People were different, even so
It’s not a mere confusing dream

For how could they manage to escape
That naive ugly uniform that used to shape
The -what so called- self-esteem
To judge those folks, she will be blamed
For she has no shadow and they must be obeyed

And as she remembers those old days
When she used to follow the shadows in her ways
The shadow follows the weight they say
but her city has knighted the fray

She’s now certain; her city lost its weight
For The one and the plenty, did lose their ways

And as she knows she can’t carry on
She tried so hard to focus
On that seldom-seen
Where the trees -since so long-
have lost their green

Weird thoughts were running
In and out of her mind
and As she was trying hard
To shape them in beautiful lyrics
The darkness colored the sky
-slightly different by then-
Too dark, yet too bright

Vertigo

…Anyone whose goal is “something higher” must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us. It is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.

"...Several hours after the decision she had made, she fell in the street and injured her knee. She began to teeter as she walked, fell almost daily, bumped into things or, at the very least, dropped objects.

She was in the grip of an insuperable longing to fall. She lived in constant state of vertigo"

“ Pick me up ,” is the message of a person who keeps falling …

"the unbearable lightness of being "
Milan Kundera

Tod or Tom

"today the whole world is going financially broke, maybe next year the world would actually end "
let's run away then , before the world !!!

Before the Dawn

Well, it’s 4 am in the morning, and I can’t sleep, I light up a cigarette, and all I can smell is Jasmine, clear and Strong!!! Is it a new dawn??? Is it possible to smell the Jasmine in The Dark before the Dawn…
Who knows?? God is so generous!!

Une Prière

Cher Seigneur,
Maintenant, après je l'ai tout laissé de côté, m'aidez à trouver ma paix, je besoin de lui cette fois, plus que jamais ..
Comme vous pouvez le voir, je clos tout aimé et je voulais tellement y compris moi-même ...

…votre miséricorde !!! car je ne sais pas ce que je veux plus ...semblement J'ai été recherche de la paix en enfer

Renforcez mes pieds pour marcher ... Je ne veux pas jouer plus de jeux , Pardonnez-moi pour que j'ai péché il ya longtemps,

Seigneur, sauvez mon frère et mes sœurs dans le ciel, s'il vous plaît ne les laissez pas voir que j'ai vu ou senti, Je vous mendicité...

…Montrez-moi vos lumières, j'ai besoin d'eux sur mon visage pour visualiser la route ..
Si l'argent permettrait de sauver ma petite famille, s'il vous plaît donnez-moi plus
Si l'amour permettrait de sauver ma petite famille, envoyez-moi plus des anges
Si mon esprit permettrait de sauver ma petite famille, aidez-moi à le trouver.

car tout que je veux pour leur ,seigneur, est de vivre dans la dignité et la paix , Je ne peux pas les sauver tout seu, acceptez s'il vous plaît

je suis déçu car le néant que j'ai été vivant est très laid, avec de fausses couleurs .. J'ai besoin de vraies couleurs,

Merci

Deema